It’s my birthday. I am officially 46 years-old, though (I confess to you, dear reader) a stranger recently thought I was 36 and I let them believe it).
I have actually had my age wrong for the past year - been thinking that I am two years older.
I tell this story in my upcoming book on grief and the dark night of the soul - but a few months ago, at a friend’s party, I was telling someone my age, when I heard my husband Kevin, a few feet away, snickering at me.
“What?” I glanced in Kevin’s direction, tossing him a fierce side-eye.
“What?!” I demanded, “Why are you laughing at me?”
“Do the math again,” he said, flatly.
“What are you talking about?” I replied, confused.
“What year were you born?”
“I was born in 19.....ohhhhh.”
I gained, or maybe lost, almost two years that night.
As the cliché goes, I am realizing that age is more than just a number. It is an event where two things are happening at once.
Event One: I am officially in mid-life.
Event Two: I feel very midlife.
It’s not so much the math of my age. I don’t mind that numbers are being added, or that I’ve done however many circles around the sun or whatever. I enjoy the gift of maturity and the delicious anticipation of new seasons. After losing my best friend Jenn to breast cancer, I know that aging is a precious gift. So no, it’s not so much the number of candles on the cake, but rather that budding awareness, alongside so many of my peers, that I am not where I thought I’d be at my age. I am not settled in my career. I have not saved enough money. I have not given my children the life lessons I planned to by now. I haven’t accomplished all I dreamed I would, even though I have actually accomplished quite a bit.
And I am tired.
Are you tired?
I preached a sermon last Sunday from Acts three, about Peter and John (well, Jesus, really) healing the beggar at the gate called Beautiful. In that moment, Peter invites the onlookers, who were astonished by this miracle, to turn to Jesus - both for the forgiveness of sins and for something I have never noticed before - the refreshment of their souls (Acts 3:19).
When the Bible talks about soul refreshment, it means, rest, revival, and recreation.
Back to my question - are you tired?
Are you tired physically?
Tired emotionally?
Tired of pretending?
Are you tired of feeling like you must be the representation or expert on a certain subject matter? People are looking to you, and you’re like “I don’t know. I am barely making it. Don’t make me the expert.”
Are you tired of trying prove yourself?
Tired of just not knowing what to do next?
Exhausted from the pressure to have it all together; the pressure to be hopeful and happy and successful and look good while doing it?
Tired of your job or career path?
Tired of being a mama of littles, and feeling like you are losing your identity in the mean time?
Are you tired from stressing over a big decision?
Tired of putting your heart on the line for people who don’t reciprocate?
Tired of being sick or in pain?
Tired of balancing it all for everyone else?
Tired of returning to your secret addictions or ways of numbing, and having them control you?
Tired of not having peace?
Are you tired?
The beggar in Acts three — I imagine he must have been exhausted. We don’t even know his name (and as I wrote in Known, there is not much dignity for the unnamed.) He is carried regularly to this place, ironically called Beautiful, yet he is sitting in ugly pain, weariness, sickness, exhaustion, and isolation.
He is defined by his struggle, known by all as “that sick beggar“- not son, not husband, not contributor, not leader, the beggar at the gate - that’s his identity...that’s his story...until Jesus steps in.
Jesus doesn’t just heal him physically, though he definitely does that. Jesus also restores him instantaneously to joy, to freedom, to friendship, to community, to delight, to dignity, to running and dancing and worship, to true-soul-revival and deep-in-the-gut refreshment.
That’s what Jesus’s transformation is like - wholistic renewal.
Don’t you long for times of refreshment from the Lord?
Don’t you long for personal revival?
Don’t you long for your weary soul and anxious mind and body to be revived?
Don’t you long for rest?
Don’t you long for a fresh start?
Don’t you long to see your dreams and your calling come to fruition?
Don’t you long to make meaning from your heartache and brutal soul-exhaustion?
Look to Jesus...
That’s what God is inviting us all to — not more busyness or burdens, not more producing or pretending - but real refreshment, revival, recreation, rest, and renewal in Jesus.
And that’s my mid-life birthday wish. I’m blowing out some candles - for me and for you too.
Let’s look again to Jesus with faith, trust, and expectation that he will renew our weary souls. He is the only one who truly can.
For my birthday, I am opening up my coaching calendar for FREE 15 minute discovery calls starting in April. If you are in a phase of life (doesn’t have to be mid-life!) where you are looking for some mentorship, some direction, some next steps in your calling, some rest from spinning your wheels without moving forward - I know what that is like, and I I would love to walk with you as a guide. Go here to find out more.